


A Night Out

by MadamRebel, trashmomorgana



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, The Amazing Spider-Man (Movies - Webb), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2016-02-26
Packaged: 2018-05-23 07:17:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6109186
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadamRebel/pseuds/MadamRebel, https://archiveofourown.org/users/trashmomorgana/pseuds/trashmomorgana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Avengers take a night to relax and unwind at a club.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Night Out

It was a cold winter night and Steve convinced Natasha to go out to one of New York’s best clubs with himself and the gang. It was the first night her and Bucky had together in ages. She didn’t want to spend it in a cramped space filled with hundreds of people, stumbling over each other because they can’t see straight. 

“Come on Natasha, you never want to hang out with us anymore.”

Natasha rolled her eyes, “I live in the tower with all of you guys. I see you all the time.”

“Yes you do see us. You’ll leave the tower for work at an ungodly hour and come home late only to go straight to sleep. You’ll see us and say hi but when was the last time you actually spent time with us?”

She thought for a moment, she wanted to admit that he was right but she couldn’t boost his ego anymore. Natasha took a sip of her tea when Steve spoke again, “See? Come on, it’s one night at the club. It’s not like I’m asking you to marry me and go on a romantic honeymoon in the Caymans.” 

“Now Steve, you know that because we’ve been best friends since childhood doesn’t mean I want to go on a romantic honeymoon with you after our wedding.” Bucky answered from behind her.

Natasha spit out the remainder of her tea and Steve turned a shade of red that made her laugh even harder. “You know a normal guy would freak out at something like that.” He came up and kissed her on the cheek then sat next to her at the counter.

“Am I a normal guy, Tasha?”

“Good point.” She smiled into the rim of her cup. 

“So what’s this about going out clubbing tonight?” Bucky looked at Steve to answer, however, Natasha answered.

“Oh it’s no-” She was RUDELY interrupted.

“Your wife doesn’t want to hang out with us tonight.” Steve made a pouty face that resembled a five year old whose mother tells him no. 

“Us? Who all is going?” She asked. Finally realizing that she had no idea who actually was going. 

“Well me, Bucky, Clint, Tony,” Steve answered. 

“Great” She gave Steve the biggest eye roll, it nearly gave her a headache.

“Some of Tony’s friends and Wanda. Pepper is in London on business.”

Bucky spoke up, “Come on babe it’ll be fun”

“What’s so great about getting sweaty and drunk while on a dancefloor. I don’t see that as fun.” Bucky gave her the puppy dog eyes as well.

“How can you say no to that Natasha?” 

She looked at Bucky to and sees the eyes and leans close to him, “NO!” she practically screamed in his face. 

“Please babe, I never get to see you.” He pouted like a child. 

“Fine, I’ll go. Only for two hours then you’re on your own.” Bucky gave her a sloppy kiss on the cheek and jumped up with glee.

“Now how come you said no when I asked you to come with us?”

“For one I didn’t know that James was even going and two you kinda bug the shit out of me.”

“Aw I’m so hurt I think I’d might cry into my pillow tonight.” He mocked.

“Whatever Captain, what time are we going?”

Steve cleared his throat, “We will be departing the tower in approximately three hours.”

 

TURNIN’ UP IN THE CLUB

Tony had ordered them a booth, which was ridiculously expensive but the fucker is made of money so who gives a fuck.

Tony and the boys left to go dance like drunken fools. Natasha and Wanda were left alone surrounded by an abundance of empty shot glasses. Surprisingly Natasha didn’t feel the alcohol which was funny considering half the shot glasses were hers. She looked over to find Wanda looking around the room like she was searching for something. 

“What’s got you so paranoid Maximoff?” Natasha definitely felt the alcohol.

“This… thing keeps staring at us.” 

“Define thing.”

“That creepy bald guy at the bar.” When Natasha looked to see who she was talking about, he had already left the bar. He was sashaying towards them, dodging people left and right. 

“Wanda I don’t see him, you’re paranoid.” 

“He was right-” a scarred arm wrapped around the booth and Wanda. 

“HERE!” He leaped over Wanda to sit in between both Wanda and Natasha. “LADIES’ PLEASE THERES NO NEED TO FEAR DEADPOOL IS HERE TO STEAL YOU AWAY AND KEEPETH YOU IN MY BED UNTIL DAWN!!!” He then downed both Natasha’s and Wanda’s drinks.

“Okay asshole-” Peter Parker walked past the booth. 

“HOLY SHIT IS THAT PARKER?!” Deadpool screamed.

Wanda’s ignorant ass asked, “What’s a Peter Parker?” Deadpool glared at her. He huffed and jumped over the booth screaming for Peter to wait up.

“Um...what just happened?” Wanda asked Natasha. Natasha shrugged looking for the boys on the dance floor. She watched as a blonde bimbo shove her way to Tony and push Clint away. Natasha was too far away to hear what the blonde said to Clint and Tony, but the look on Clint's face told Natasha that it wasn’t something nice. Clint stormed to the booth.

“What a fucking bitch,” Clint huffed sitting down. He took one of the drinks on the table and downed it. 

Natasha leaned over the table toward Clint, “Are you going to let her get away with dancing with your boyfriend?” She asked.

“HE’S NOT MY BOYFRIEND”

“Oh cut the shit Clint, you’ve had your eye on fuckboy Tony here since day one”

“I have not!”

“Really now? You haven’t even met the blonde over there and you call her a ‘fucking bitch’ you reek of jealousy.” Natasha poured them shots, well she poured them for both but Clint took them. “Hey bitch, I poured two shots. One for me, one for you. What’s this two for Clint bullshit?”

“I’m going to need it.” Clint gave her a look and instantly she knew.

“Oh no. Clint don’t be stupid.” Clint slammed the shot glasses onto the table and stormed over to Tony. 

“Stark, what the fuck is this?” making an awkward, drunken gesture between them.

“I’m attempting to sell her organs on the black market. What does it look like Clint?” Tony’s voice oozed sarcasm.

“It looks like you’re cheating on your wife with some blonde bimbo.” 

“You’re married?” The blonde got up and left LIKE A LITTLE BITCH . 

“Clint are you fuck-” That’s when it happened. Clint kissed Tony. Wanda and Natasha, who were both watching to make sure Clint didn’t do something stupid, looked at each and clinked shot glasses. Natasha saw Steve nudge Bucky and handed him some money. She shook her head and she smiled. Soon the whole bar erupted with approval. 

When Clint and Tony broke apart they walked to the booth. They sat down next to each other and grabbed some shots off the table. Tony looked at Clint, “So does that make you my wife?”

“Oh my god Tony, shut up.” Natasha laughed along with Wanda. 

The cheering died down rather quickly and soon the clan was approached by a man. The man had an angry scowl on and his face was flushed red with anger. He approached them with his chest puffed out trying to seem more macho than his weak demeanor showed.

“Would you ladies like to join me?” Bucky went from zero to sober real quick. 

“How about you back off there buddy, that’s my wife.”

“Now why would a hot woman like her marry an artificial man. Baby I’m a real man.” 

“But hey she likes the artificial fingers, if you know what I mean. I’d be happy to demonstrate how magical these mechanical fingers are.” Bucky smirked. Steve finally realizing that something was going on at the booth, walked over to stand next to Bucky.

“Now guys, why don’t we settle this the old fashion way.” Suggested Steve. 

“Aww look at your cute little boyfriend standing up for you. That’s so sweet.” Jerkface cooed.

Natasha immediately sprung into action, she knew what was going through James’ head. “Woah guys you need to take this somewhere else.”

“We’re just having a friendly chat here.” Jerkface said.

“I highly doubt it.” Natasha snapped at him.

“Damn bitch, no need to snap at me. Are you on your period or something?”

“What the fuck did you just say?” She got in his face.

“I asked if the scarlet river was a flowin’.” Jerkface rolled his eyes after he spoke.

Steve chimed in, “Oh shit.”

“You asked for it dude.” Bucky said to Jerkface.

“THAT’S IT” Natasha’s chill flew out the window at this point. She grabbed his shirt with some chest hair causing him to wince a little bit. She hurled him into the table causing it to collapse and shatter the remainder of the shot glasses. She jumped on top of him and she started wailing on him. Steve and Bucky stood their for a moment in pure awe. Clint and Tony were the ones to pull her off. 

“Come on Natasha that’s enough.” They used all their strength to pull her off of him. When they finally pulled her off, still thrashing, Jerkface piped up and said, 

“Are these more of your boyfriends? I didn’t know the Black Widow was such a slut!” 

Natasha felt their grips on her loosen this was her golden opportunity. She turned to the boys, “Do you mind?” They nodded their heads no. “Wanda come here, hold the prick.” Black Widow was unleashed. She grabbed a knife that was attached to her leg strap. She stabbed him, multiple times. Not enough to kill him but enough to make him bleed profusely. “YOU MISOGYNISTIC BASTARD!”

“OKAY OKAY I’M SORRY! PLEASE YOU’RE GOING TO KILL ME”

She let out a deep throated laughed and whispered in his ear, “Did you forget that I’m the Black Widow and if I wanted you dead I wouldn’t be whispering in your ear.”

“Okay, Okay. I’m sorry! Please just let me go.” 

“Fine. Hey bartender!” Natasha shouted. “You might need a Whambulance and maybe an ambulance.”

“Alright, one bitch special coming up!” The bartender shouted back at her. He walked over to her and stood over Jerkface. “Don’t worry about your tab tonight, it’s on me. Thank you for taking care of this scumbag.” He shook her hand.

“My pleasure.” She chuckled.

“I need a new bouncer and I know you’re crazy busy but if you want a break from the superhero gig, give me a call.” James looked at him curiously. “Don’t worry Bucky, I’m not going to steal your wife. I may steal you from her but-” They all laughed and James gave him a hug. 

“You know, I will need someone to look after her when I go on romantic getaways with my boyfriend, Steve.” 

“Anytime, anytime. Now get outta here before I have the press asking to clear the bar for an impromptu press conference. You’re always welcome back though!” He said as he walked away. 

“Thanks Brandon!” They all said in unison. 

“Oh wait I forgot, I need a picture of all of you for the wall of fame. You guys will have the biggest picture and largest spot on the wall.” He pulled out his camera and said “cheeeeeese”

“Cheeeeese!” They all huddled together. 

“Next time you guys come back, I’m gonna need you to sign it.”

“Alright Brandon we’re outta here. By Jerkface.” Steve said.

“Bye guys” He shouted from behind the bar.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry.


End file.
